A relationship deal-breaker is synonymous to "I cannot tolerate it", "If this happens it is over", ‘I do not want it' and many more. In this day and age, partners are beginning to embrace open-mindedness and being vocal about their deal-breakers and also going all the way by standing their grounds.
It is true that deal breakers are very important and can cause a lot of hurts if dealt with levity by the other person. It is important to take note of the fact that some deal breakers are unforgivable and below are tips on how to handle situations in which your partner disregards them.
- Reflect
You might be hurt and disappointed at this point but rather than acting out, take the time to sit down and reflect on the disregarded deal breakers. Thereafter, you ask yourself questions like ‘why did he/she do it', ‘if I was in his/her shoes, will I do better?', ‘Can I forgive this?' etc.
You might do better if the tables were turned because come to think of it, they were your deal-breakers, to begin with, but have it in mind that your partner has deal breakers too and you might be failing at some. Have it in mind, that some deal-breakers can be forgiven e.g. your deal breaker is snoring or loud chewing or leaving the dishes/laundry dirty till the next day etc.
Is it enough reason to walk away from the relationship?
- Reveal
At this point, after a good dose of deep reflection, call your partner for a heart to heart conversation where you admit all he/she has done that has hurt you deeply.
You have to make sure it is a two-way conversation where you let your partner tell what is wrong and the reason for his/her actions; sometimes they disregard deal breakers unknowingly while some are intentional about their defiance and do not care what happens.
The reveal stage is when and where you and your partner gets to pour it all out.
- Resolve
You have had the conversation, you find ways to have a common ground with your partner. This is when you reshuffle your deal breakers and see the ones that you can do without and reinforce the ones that will break you.
Not everyone will make it work out, for some couples their only resolve will be to let go of the relationship.