Photo Credit: Instagram/johnrickalmonte
"What are we?" is just another way of saying "Can we define this relationship already?”
Two people could be dating, love and genuinely care for one another but just cruising. It helps to define the dynamic of the relationship early on, and each partner has a good understanding of what is expected of them.
Some people like their relationship to have the "friendlier than romantic" dynamic, while others prefer the opposite. Some want an exclusive relationship while others might prefer an open relationship. It is also important to bear in mind that DTR is not a one-off conversation.
When one or both persons is/are not sure of the nature of the relationship, it is a good time to talk again.
DTR is never an easy thing to do, but it's a conversation worth having for every couple that intends to have a sustainable relationship.
So you are ready to be in a relationship (or nothing more than friends with benefits) but you are scared of the dreaded "What are we?" question that often leads to an awkward moment.
Here are helpful tips on having the DTR talk.
1. Self-reflection:
Before you ask your partner of their expectations, you need to first ask yourself questions about the relationship you are in and what you expect. Asking those questions enables you be sure you either want something serious or casual.
2. Plan:
Every project requires proper planning and it would be wise to treat your relationship like you would a project. Decide when, where, how and what to say. Also, inform your partner of when you are going to talk so they can also plan it out. A private location with a good ambience would to be adequate.
3. Get in the zone:
This is going to be one of the most important conversations of your relationship life, huge decisions and compromises are going to be made so you cannot have a bad day. This is when you need to be the best version of yourself. No brain fuzz today. Whatever gets you in the zone, do it.
4. Start the talk on a casual note:
What this does is to take off the pressure that comes with talking. A good compliment helps relax the partner. The key here is to introduce the conversation casually.
5. Be flexible:
No relationship, however it is defined, is a walk in the park. For it to be sustainable, a lot of compromises have to be made on both ends. Both partners will definitely not get everything they want in a relationship so be willing to bend a little. Going into the conversation with a rigid mind-set would do more harm than good. Be open, flexible and considerate.
6. Communicate:
Listen intently to your partner's expectations and respond appropriately. When you get to speak, spell out your wants and needs so there is no room for error or confusion.
Having a clear understanding of the expectations allows one's relationship to develop exactly how you want it to. Sometimes the DTR conversation can lead to the relationship ending sooner, but the ones that last would be worth it.