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It seems like couples perpetually discuss and fight about money. Money talk could be difficult especially when disposable income is limited or there are different personalities to deal with but it should not ruin a marriage.
Here are ten ways to prevent money from ruining your marriage:
- Do not set yourself up
Lavish weddings are nice but only if you can afford them. It is not wise to start a marriage on borrowed funds just because you want a Cirque du Soleil wedding complete with acrobats and fire- breathers. Reception venues alone may cost over a million Naira depending on the location. It’s wise to work your way up to certain luxuries and have a bigger blast on your fifth or tenth wedding anniversary.
- Full disclosure on debts
Discuss any debts you have before you get married. It may be that one partner is paying back a car loan or the loan taken to start a business. One partner may have taken up responsibility for family members school fees. All this has to be discussed before you walk down the aisle.
- Ascertain money mindset
People have various attitudes towards money and it’s better to understand a person’s history with money before having a fight over a specific transaction or spending habit. Find out whether your partner grew up on a budget and if their family had open discussions about it.
- Similar financial goals
It's important for you and your spouse to be on the same page when it comes to financial goals. Apart from yearly plans, paying for a vacation or making a real estate investment will create an extra layer of partnership and accountability to each other.
- Keep a household budget
A household budget is an ideal tool for keeping track and controlling expenses. This eliminates any genesis of fights pertaining to money spent on food, staff and supplies. When your husband wants more beef in his soup, you better remind him about that budget or ask him for a review!
- Do not keep financial secrets
Are you hiding an account from your spouse just so you escape paying for certain things? Would you allow your family to live a certain way just because of your own selfish reasons? When this is revealed, it could get ugly.
- Create flexibility
While sticking to a budget is important, it also makes sense to create some allowance for autonomous spending. For example, clothing budgets can be spent individually and an allowance for leisure money could be made for date nights or family meals out.
- Come up with a CPU system
Consider the ‘cost per use’ of buying an item and decipher if it's worth buying at all. For example, is buying a scented candle for your living room for N8000 worth the number of times you are going to use it? If you can only use this candle ten times before it is exhausted then that means the cost per use is N800.
- Desist from negative labels
When having financial disagreements, never use negative words like “irresponsible” or “reckless” when referring to your partner’s spending habits. This has the potential to wage a wider war.
- Engage a finance therapist
If you and your partner keep on fighting about money then its time to engage a third party who may offer honest, neutral and credible advice about spending habits and how to treat certain things.
Remain open-minded and cast all traces of pride out when having discussions about money with your spouse. Remember, for better or worse!