You choose the person whom you marry, but you don't choose your in-laws. Relationship problems with in-laws are among the most common happiness challenges — whether people are complaining about their spouse's parents or about their kids' spouses. In-laws have a unique power to drive us crazy.
If you have a challenging relationship with your in-laws, or even your own parents, consider trying out these options (They apply, of course, only if the relatives in question aren't actually abusive, dangerous, or so malicious that it's just not possible to be around them.) Assuming that they aren't quite that horrible, here are some points to consider in building your relationship — or mending it.
* Do something nice for the difficult person
It's really true: Do good, feel good. Plan a birthday party; cook a favorite food; e-mail a photo of the kids' art project. By acting in a thoughtful, loving way, you'll help yourself feel more thoughtful and loving. You'll also inspire the difficult person to feel more loving toward you.
* Act the way you want to feel
Counterintuitive as it may sound, the way you feel is very much influenced by the way you act. Before an encounter with your in-laws, take the time to put yourself in a friendly, calm frame of mind, or at least try to act that way when you see them. If you go into a situation acting angry, defensive, or suspicious, you'll invoke that emotion in yourself and likely provoke a negative reaction from others. If you're feeling more lighthearted, you won't be as quick to take offense. Also, if you expect that a particular encounter may be especially trying, take steps to be in good physical condition. Your body has a big influence on your emotions, and you'll cope better with a difficult person if you've had enough sleep, if you're not hungry, and if you haven't had too much to drink.
* Think about your spouse or your child
You're in a relationship with this difficult in-law because of someone you love. What's best for that person? Do you need to try to break the tension? Change the subject? Bite your tongue? Endure excruciating boredom? Sometimes you can behave nicely for the sake of someone else's happiness, even if, left to your own devices, you'd be very happy to pitch a fit.
* Focus on the positive
Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful toward your in-laws — or your parents, if that relationship is strained — instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed will help you change your view. Remember happy shared experiences; recalling good times will help warm your feelings. At the very least, your in-law is the parent of your spouse, or the beloved of your child. Look for the good. Appreciate what the person does. Try to make jokes. It could probably be worse!
Wait, you might be thinking, these strategies don't tell me how to deal with my difficult in-laws — they only tell me how to behave myself. Very true! While it's tempting to think about how much happier you'd be if other people would just behave properly, the fact is, you can't change other people; you can only change yourself.
Cukked from; http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/advice/a18676/happiness-...
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