It is all too common for parents to get carried away and even take over your wedding altogether. Even if you're not currently planning one, you can probably predict your parents' behavior already. If we had a penny for every time, we heard "I want a small wedding, but my parents will never let it happen."
Remember that movie ‘Our Family Wedding'? The mantra was "Their wedding; our marriage." This is one easy solution- just let them have their way. On the other hand, it is your wedding, you probably have been dreaming about it for a while, and you have a clear idea what you want- and it is nothing like your parents envision!
Let's look at a few scenarios and how to tackle them:
They are paying
Did you really think there would be no strings attached? It is unrealistic to expect them to bear the cost of your wedding and not have a say in how that money is spent. The more they pay for, the more their control.
- Express heartfelt gratitude and explain reasonably why you want the things you want. It'll be easier for them to let you have your way on some matters if they understand.
- Pay for your own wedding. Have a wedding you can afford. Even if it is not the wedding of your dreams, you will get to call the shots.
- If their guest list is so long that there is no room for your own people, offer to at least cover the cost of the people you invite.
- If you are not paying, I'm afraid Silence will be your companion and Compromise your middle name.
They are not paying, but they want a different wedding
A bride wanted 300 guests at her wedding, but her father insisted they had to budget for at least 1,500 people. He was not contributing to said budget. She told him she could afford 300 and he had to pay for the extra 1,200. That laid the matter to rest without argument.
They won't include your fiancé's culture
You are marrying from a different tribe or race, and they have refused to let your wedding reflect your partner's traditions. Again, it all comes down to who is paying. If rational discussion fails, you may have to compartmentalise: let them have a clear idea what they're paying for and that their decisions are limited to those areas. You can then incorporate your fiancé's traditions in other areas.
They won't put their differences aside
Your parents have sadly split, and you're stuck playing referee. Have a sincere chat with all involved: parents and step parents, where you let them know you love them and want them all at your wedding and you need them to put their animosity aside if they love you, or opt out completely if they cannot. A bit tough, but you're grown up now.
Good luck!
Photo Credit: premiumtimes.ng