I got married two years ago, and my husband and I exchanged traditional vows from The Book of Common Prayer.
We're both writers and he had the brilliant idea that we should write our own
vows. I was in the throes of soon to be married love and like I said, thought
it was a brilliant idea. I mean, why not? It was a way to put our stamp on a
wedding that was no longer feeling like ours. So I set out to write and came
up with...
Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
How come? I was a writer. I am a writer. How hard could it be to write
words to tell the man I loved, in front of our family, friends, loved ones,
acquaintances, and a good number of strangers, that I was glad to be
spending the rest of my life with him?
Very Hard.
So I stopped trying. And when I found out that he hadn't written his, I
stopped feeling guilty about it.
On our special day, as I repeated the words after the minister, I thought
about what they meant, and if they meant what I meant.
I take thee to be my wedded husband
Yes. Yes, that I do.
To have and to hold from this day forward.
Oh yes. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part
according to God's holy ordinance;
Blah blah blah
Yada yada yada
When do we get to kiss?
Thereto I plight thee my troth
I'm sorry, I what now?
I looked into my husband's eyes and knew it - he had no idea what a troth
was either.
Two years on, I have come to learn that troth refers to a betrothal and one's
fidelity.
Two years on, I have come to learn that those words I repeated that day
meant more than eternal bliss and daily trysts but a promise to stay by his
side till I died.
It means that I promised to be faithful, not just with my body and earthly
possessions, but with my heart, my mind, and my attitudes.
It means I promised that I would love him, the way he wanted to be loved
(head out of the gutter, people), when he wanted to be loved regardless of
how I felt at the time.
And he promised to do the same. And I had nothing to hold him to it except
his word before God and man.
So...
Why didn't they just say so?
Now I wonder, if I knew what I know now, would it have been easier to
write my own vows? Maybe, but I've had two years to live the vows I said,
and it hasn't been easy but he makes it worth it. I look forward to the next
two, twenty, hundred years, and maybe I will finally get round to writing my
own vows. Until then, dear husband, I plight thee my troth.