Dear Ms Sugar,
My boyfriend broke up with me three months ago at the airport just as he was about leaving the country and in the interim I got asked out by his best friend. Long story short, we've been dating for a month now and for some reason my ex is back in the country. The problem now is my ex (his best friend) wants me to take him back and honestly I still love him and would love to go back to him but I kinda prefer my present boyfriend's cookie to my ex's. What should I do? They're best friends!!
- Didi
Dear Didi,
This is a complicated situation with many layers so let’s try to take it in steps.
- The Ex: He broke up with you at the airport. We’ll assume it had something to do with him leaving the country. He didn’t think you both could make it work for just three months apart? Unless he thought he was gone for good, you have to think about his motives and if he truly loves you, or only wants you when it is convenient. Do you really want to get back with someone who tosses you aside and comes back for you when he pleases?
- The New Boyfriend: He seems a bit shady for making a move on his best friend’s ex as soon as the breakup happened. Unless he truly cares about you and knows that his friend didn’t love you, he could just be an opportunist.
- You: You didn’t take time alone to get over your previous relationship, and you entered a new relationship with his best friend for that matter, knowing you were still in love with your ex. You didn’t mention anything else about your present boyfriend besides his bedroom skills so apparently you don’t have any real feelings for him.
- Their relationship: This is a weird situation for two best friends. What has their relationship been like since you got with the best friend? If their relationship is strained already, just imagine the damage if you go back to the ex. If however, they still have a solid relationship, you need to think. These guys could just be having fun and treating you like a plaything.
My sincere advice to you would be not to choose either one, for your own sake as well as theirs. You have not had time on your own to sort through your emotions since the first relationship broke up. You are in a messy situation and you’ll never get a handle on your thoughts and actions if you don’t leave it behind. Being single is a wonderful time to get to know yourself, build your self-worth and know exactly what you want from any future relationship.
Good luck!
Ms Sugar