Dear sugar,
My husband and I waited till marriage so we never really explored each other's sexual drive. I have tried my best to satisfy him sexually since marriage but he wants more. He complains I'm too conservative meanwhile he's quite adventurous. Recently i noticed he hasn't been demanding (sex) and i thought maybe he finally came to terms with the fact that i don't really like it not until i found used Postinor 2 tablets and the receipt from its purchase in his car. I might have disregarded it but it was bought close to his office and with his ATM card. Is he cheating on me? I'm confused.
BT
Dear BT,
I am really sorry about your discovery. I can only imagine the shock and hurt you feel. The truth is that there’s a very real chance that he’s cheating on you. Intuition on its own is an important pointer, especially when you haven’t been needlessly suspicious before. A very sexual man suddenly not wanting sex with you anymore is another red flag. On top of that, you have evidence.
Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules on how to handle this type of situation. I wish there were. Whatever be the case, you want answers. Is he really doing this? Why? With whom? Does he even love me? Did he ever love me? Did I cause this?
I can tell you right now not to even think of taking the blame. Mismatched libidos is a reality for the majority of couples, and most times it is the men who want sex more. There are faithful men in this sort of relationship too. Only 8% of men who cheat say that sexual dissatisfaction at home is the cause. The other 92% of cheating men have reasons which have nothing to do with how much sex they’re having at home- such as opportunity. So whether or not he is a sexually satisfied at home, a cheater will cheat and a person who is determined not to cheat, won’t.
People are tempted everyday to cheat and what holds them back is loyalty, respect for their spouse, and looking at the bigger picture: immediate pleasure isn’t a fair price to pay for the long term consequences of cheating.
Finding out your spouse is cheating can trigger the same amount of grief as being bereaved. You’ll need to take a step back to take care of yourself- eat, sleep, do something you enjoy- and let out your emotions through talking (only with a close, trusted person), writing it down, music, e.t.c. You may want to leave the house for a little while until you return to a place of calm.
Then you can discuss it with him. Whether you want to leave him or stay with him, it is the end of your relationship as you know it. If you are staying to rebuild, make sure that he has cut off the person he cheated with, that he's taking full responsibility for his actions — not blaming you — and that he's ready to do whatever is needed to regain your trust and make you feel secure again in your relationship.
It goes without saying that if he shows no remorse or blames you for his actions, you should be running far away from him.
Note: You need to forgive him whether or not you stay with him. It’s very important for your own sake, so that you can move on healthily with him or on your own, and in any subsequent relationship you may have if you end this one.
All the best.
Sincerely,
Ms Sugar