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Dear Sugar,
I'm having a hard time deciding whether to get a divorce from my husband. I really can't think the same way about us anymore. We've been married for 6 years now and we have two girls. My husband has been quite insistent on us having a baby boy, but the last pregnancy I had which is our second girl gave me so many complications that we were advised not to have any more children.
I was in between life and death during these times and he was so scared that he'll lose me. So we agreed to not have any more kids. He was even the one that was insistent on that and said it didn't matter what gender we had and that he only felt it will be cool to have another man in the house for a change. He told me he'd rather have me alive and well than lose me because of a son.
He even apologised for being selfish all these years and then persuaded me to have my tubes tied. We had an appointment with the doctor and it was done. I've been living a lie because I just found out that he has a 2-year old Son. A text message popped up when I was with his phone from his mother who was asking whether he would be able to make it in the weekend to see his son.
I had access to his passwords and all and it was in his mail I found everything; pictures of the boy and his mother, trips and credit alert messages all tied back to her and the boy. I had to do more findings and I realised that while I was battling for my life as a result of our second child, he was seeing someone else. I have confronted him and he keeps telling me that it's a mistake, but I can't get my mind off it.
I don't think I can ever forgive him. My husband's mother is even in support of it. I feel so betrayed and incompetent. My self-esteem is going so low and I've been depressed ever since.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
It is really painful that you're going through this. One cannot imagine how heartbroken you are especially since this is someone you love whole-heartedly and have trusted over the years. Indeed, unless you completely let go of the hurt, you will be in deep unhappiness, which is why your decision at this point is crucial.
Consider asking yourself these questions:
Would staying back with him heal me completely overtime?
Does forgiving him include staying married to him?
Do I need some time to heal?
Is it possible that nothing in the world can make be his wife ever again?
After you have successfully answered these questions, remember to work with a solution that will help speed up your healing process and get you back on your feet again.
Wish you all the best.
Love,
Sugar.