Dear Sugar,
I got married to a sweet and loving man two years ago. Before we met, I have had relationships that I let go of because of sex. I may be attracted to someone, but when they start to ask for a sexual relationship, I start to shy away. When I met my husband, he was practising celibacy, and it was easy to be in a relationship with him for three years before our marriage.
I had the worst first year when we consummated our marriage. It was also this year that I came to realise that I don't like sex at all. I started searching online for answers and realised I may fall into the category of asexual people. I don't know how to tell my husband this because I am scared of losing our marriage.
Although we are close, it's a difficult thing for me to talk about. We barely have sex and he has asked me several times what the issue is, but I keep lying about it.
Please keep me anon
Dear Anon,
From your previous experiences including your marriage, chances are that you may be asexual. In this case, you must have the conversation with your husband. Deciding to be quiet about it will lead to betrayal on your part and a gradual resentment towards him.
Your conversations should also include seeing a sex therapist, reading more articles and talking to a psychologist, assuming you want to give sex another try. If not, you should work together on how to sort out sex-related issues. Even though you recently became aware of this, it will appear selfish if you want him to not have sex again. While talking about it can be difficult, it's a necessity to ensure tranquillity in your marriage.
Wishing you all the best,
Love
Sugar