Dear Sugar,
I met my girlfriend, now wife, in the university. We've been married for less than a year now. I was a level before hers so I was through with school earlier. Thankful to God, I got a good job and we got married immediately after her university graduation. Although we've been married for less than a year, we've never had any issue until now.
I recently discovered antiretroviral drugs in our kitchen. I wasn't even sure of it at first, but when she came into the kitchen, I asked her what it was. She confessed to me that after I left school, she was sleeping around with a lot of people without protection and got HIV. She told me the drugs she has been using is to prevent me from having it. I got very mad and left the house. I am currently in a hotel. I never cheated on her and I feel so betrayed that she wouldn't have told me if I didn't stumble on it.
To make matters worse, even my friends knew about her escapades. They told me they didn't want to break our relationship since we were so close. I would like to hear your advice on this. Even though I am still in love with her, I don't know if I can continue, I don't know how many lies she has kept from me.
Please keep me anon.
Dear Anon,
It must feel heartwrenching to be betrayed by someone you love. Even though HIV is not a death sentence, keeping it a secret from one's partner unfair. First, you should do an HIV test to be sure you haven't gotten infected. Although your chances of getting HIV is minimal (since she is using antiretroviral drugs to suppress the virus), knowing your status is necessary.
If you intend to stay married to her, you may need to get over how you feel. It is the only way you can move forward, or else, you'll hate her for a long time. You may also need to take a break to process all she has done to you. If you're certain that you can't get over the fact that she cheated on you severally and kept her HIV status from you, you should make arrangements to be separated from her. While this is a tough decision to make, you should stand by the one that will help you get better mentally, emotionally and physically in the long run.
Wishing you all the best,
Sugar
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